HOLLYWOOD: TWEETS & SHORT PITCHES
Short Comedy FIlm Pitch 12/18/2014
Rick Moranis quits his country music career and stars in Taken 12., a comedy.
Plot goes like this: kidnappers call and Rick says, "I've got a particular set of skills aquired over a lifetime that will let me find you, etc."
"Oh yeah, like what?" says the skeptical kidnapper. "You gonna voice-over me to death? What, they working on Brother Bear Three: Trained Operative for you now?"
It may now be verboten for a caption writer to use this particular syntax,
but here I go: "Honey, I shrunk the Taken concept!"
Well" starts Rick. But he can't think of anything, really. "Well, I can make a mean mean chai latte." Laughter on the line. "What else?"
"I once fixed a leak in my bathroom sink even though I couldn't find a wrench. I won't tell you how I did it, you don't want to know. I can go longer than a lot of peeple holding my pee in. I like to boogie board pretty good. I can smell earthquakes coming sometimes, I think. Of course my impressions, people love those. I've been working on a Joan Rivers. And I can yodel to a volume of over sixty decibels."
More laughter. "Good fucking luck! Shoulda signed onto Ghostbusters 3 and snagged one of those guns when you coulda. I'll let you know where I want you to give me the money next call. Bye bye."
photo credit: urbantimes.co
Of course, the rest of the film (with that serious thriller type tone mocked and impossible situations going his way) shows him using those exact skills after all to save his daughter.
Perhaps he yodels so loud it attracts all the neighborhood cats thus saving him from an advancing assasin. He convinces one of the main guards at the gate of the kidnapper's compound to open the door with the bowl of delicious chai he has prepared. Since the guy loves it he insists they drink it together over and over. His ability to not pee while the other guy finally breaks --funny showdown take, beads of sweat drip from each forehead, etc-- lets him move on in his mission. He impersonates others both useful and bizzare --Joan Rivers, Englbert Humperdink, kidnapper's mother from Sarastoga etc-- to get access to restricted areas.
He tries to get into the main building but falls through the roof and gets stuck in the wall, They are advancing to check the noise but he sees a pipe and is able to cause a flood that gets him out of there on a wave of water. (We don't see him do it, it is implied he was able to do it without a wrench, perhaps the gag is he clamps his asshole on it and turns or bites it). He boogie boards the water and the villians all flow away/drown except the head guy. Finally, the confrontation. We see Rick sniff the air and smile as a far off rumble commences....
Email me if you want to purchase the option rights on this at firstname.lastname@example.org