HUMOR:WORK

Top IMD Tips and Templates

For The College Grad With A Degree

In The Liberal Arts...

HOW TO USE E-MAIL TO LAND

THAT JOB OF A LIFETIME!

TESTIMONAL FROM SATISFIED CUSTOMER KEVIN SALVESON:    "We sent one of IMD's patented* templates to

cableTV's Larry Wilmore

and it worked like a charm!!"

 

Tips & 'Hacks'

Which WORK

for Today's Competitive Job Market...

to at least  

get you noticed!!

*patent not even pending, we just made that up​.

From A MASTER 

of the

rhetorical arts,

an expert who uses italics and bold lettering

 like a pro!

Featured Posts

This is not a picture of Larry Wilmore, but we can understand the obvious confusion

IDEAS MILLION DOLLAR Humor by

Kevin Salveson

 

Ok, so you're out of college and out of work and thinking that you might be getting way more familiar with the start-up lifestyle ala Grey Matter on Breaking Bad than you like. One day you'll wear all beige and turtlenecks but for now it's ramen and potatoes and more deprivation than you thought you would ever have to endure after your parents paid all that money to get you that unprofitable investmet called a liberal arts degree.

 

Well, don't just sit there reading crap on the internet, dagnabbit, get motivated by one of those posters quoting Jack LaLane or Warner Herzog and whip up one of your special email word souffles for the folks! That'll do the trick! Do it now! That's my motto. But don't fire up your artisan small batch Wordstar software just yet! Because I haven't given you the two or three really valuable tips yet.  Just the tips of the tiips.

 

Consider the humble email. Entirely inexpensive, habitually checked by everyone, informal yet formal. Used especially by media bigwigs who have asked their assistants program ways for them to get sensational offers to parties on their digital devices which sit on the tables next to the people sitting tableside at Le Dome as we speak. Think of it... all of them so needy for love, so hungry for approbation from their diftal public in all shapes and forms! Sitting ducks!

 

So this is what you should do (after exploring more of the IDM): You should fire off an email to someone in power and have them fly you out to one of the coasts and then have them wine and dine you. You'll of course take the job only if they offer a generous relocation package. 

 

Feel better already? Things are going to start improving for you, I can just feel it!  But only if you keep clicking everything on my site, I assure you. That's a given.

 

And yet what is that shallow whimper coming from your mouth?  That horsey kind of defeat I hear you whinnying? All that could never happen to me, you might be saying. Sure, not with that attitude.  Yet... can't a man dare to dream?  Could it happen?  Could it?

 

Well, no, frankly. I'm glad you're finally growing up and getting realistic. But still, read on, friend! In this job market you'll need to be armed with our wits if you ever hope to succeed. And there's no license check for that!

 

First, and most important, find out who is rich and famous and came from the same High School that you did.  (I am assuming you went to high school.  If not, forget this piece and read my peice on how to make money in music these days by selling weed to your musician friends).

Because it is connections, ladies and gentle people, that grease the wheels of commerce. It is connections which offer to also put air in your tires and check your oils.

 

Hopefully you can come up with someone you wouldn't mind working with.  Or, if they are known to be a complete asshole, at least make sure they are powerful because when you quit on them you'll be ready to write that tell-all book!

 

Now, after pinpointing your prey, send them an email.  Viola!  And Violin!  Well, not just any email, you dolt.  I can see why you never get anywhere on your own without someone holding your hand.  

 

See, the secret is not just sending an email. Tthe often missed point of it all is to find out how to access the person you want to reach like a ninja before you send anything.  Because if you send the email to their Publicist or their twitter it's going to be flushed away in five seconds.  

 

Your email must be as a message in the night which  slips past their defenses and penetrates their fortress, a shadow among shadows until it is whispering its sweet sooth in their half dazed ears, a narcotic balm to their fears.

Something like this, only an email. 

Now, there's lots of ways to do that.  You probably know a few.  Perhaps the best way, though, that doesn't involve breaking and entering (I found out the hard way) is rifling through their digital drawers and playing the game of domain and syntax guessing.

 

Of course, CEOs and other people like to not give out their emails, but someone in their organization has to.  Someone, somewhere in order to do business, has revealed the dusky jewel you seek. The fools!

 

So if you go to the corporate website of your innocent (or, hell, not so innocent) mark and see that their "Press" section has a contact for a press person whose address at the bottom of the piece of puffery they put out is said to be Sindy.Sniffles@Extab.com or S.Sniffles@Xtab.com  or Sindy@XTB.com, then...wham bam PR mam! You can bet that the CEO,  Mr. Pop Eye, is going to have the same "syntax" or method of email address.  And even if you can't uncover anything from that, just use their domain. Blind CC each email attempt and guess on about ten different variations  P@Xtab.com, Pop.Eye@extablisment.com, P.E.@XTB.com, Pop@Ex.com, etc.  Try 'em all, hell, it don't cost nothin.  Send out a blank email to a few people on their staff and see if they come back undeliverable. It'll help you do your homework on your target's associates (whom you should name drop). Most will come back undeliverable.  Eliminate those and you are left with the winner!

 

For example, I myself recently corresponded with Mr. Larry Wilmore and company with fabulous results, IMHO. Or at least it turned out to be good for an article on my IMD site!  So I know it works! 

 

All I did was figure out who his producers were and the name of his production company (Busboy, turns out) and go hunting around their site a little. (I skipped the Comedy Central frontend, of course). 

 

You must be looking for back doors, always up to do what you must to slip a finger or two in through the crack and stretch that opportunity open wide enough for you to enter. With an email. I'm still talking about email.

 

But what're you gonna send to 'em when you do find 'em?  Use my TEMPLATE by clicking on the link below Larry's bemused photo!


 

A very funny and very discerning man, as I found out.  photo credit:  twitter